- Last year, I felt 2 different types of guilt. I felt weighed down with a lot of regret about not putting in necessary time + effort toward my passion for the game/its history + my ultimate goal of playing Survivor. I talked about it to very few people, but the ones I let in I believe could tell how important this was to me + I imagine were surprised by the way my actions didn’t align with what I was saying. The other source of guilt that was weighing on me was how, having moved out on my own, I felt I was neglecting one of my most cherished relationships (w/ my dad) by getting swept up in work + other social obligations. Again, my words weren’t aligning with my actions, b/c I would speak so highly of him, but then why am I here + not there spending time w/ him instead? Shouldn’t that be priority over whoever I’m saying all this to? Well, say what you want about 2020 – this year allowed me to actually get to know myself + I believe that now shines through in my actions. I moved back home due to the pandemic + prioritized the things I truly value in life. I read all the Survivor books I had ordered on Amazon that had started to collect dust, I researched a lot about the show online + I got a lot closer w/ my dad watching all 40 seasons together. ✨
- Survivor makes me “dig deep” (as Jeff Probst says) in life + all that i do (running/work/etc.) – it motivates me to constantly push myself more.
- Helps me to remind myself to be more open to new opportunities. I think about WWSD? (What Would someone on Survivor Do?/What Would the Survivor version of myself Do?)
- It made me want to be a good person. It sounds silly, because you think most people probably already want that or should want that… 😬 but IDK – it wasn’t really something I thought about. I guess it actually first started when I really liked someone I went out w/ a few years ago + it didn’t work out, because I’ve always thought he’s a better person than me. He’s good. In the feelings for this person, I first thought – I want to be good too. + Survivor really solidified that in me through the emotional turmoil of many players, constant final 3 tribal morality disputes, etc. – helped shape me as a person.
- Interacting w/ the Survivor community/other Superfans online during quarantine/the pandemic has been really refreshing, energizing, supportive, motivating, etc. to me in many ways. TY all for that. ❤️
- Helped me to be more vulnerable (this post included)/to feel more okay w/ sharing more personal things than before – especially if I’m talking about the show w/ someone bc it leads to a lot of deep questions/conversation topics/emotional discovery discussions.
- It helps me to always see things from multiple perspectives + think about a problem or situation from all angles. I strategize better (even just in daily life) b/c it changed how i approach everything/anything.
- It’s helped me to become more reflective – to take time to take a step back + assess (and began to meditate daily). (being sober for ~10 months now too has helped enormously) ☁️
- Finally, (for now – I’m sure I’ll be adding more…) Survivor has inspired me to write more these past few months than all of 2018-2019 combined + I’ve considered myself a writer/thought of that as a key part of my identity for some time now (~2011), but dropped off the past few years when it was no longer a part of my job.
- answering phone calls (actually don’t even do this already…)
- go out grocery shopping (actually also already quit months ago due to Covid)
- my own makeup (^see previous)
- my taxes (have done my own myself the past however many years, but math is not my strength + this would certainly complicate things a bit, I IMAGINE… *for now)
- my job (plz do not show this to my boss until I’m handed the check 😬)
- living at home – Zillow, here i come! 🤑🏡
& Things I WILL be doing after winning the million $:
(absolutely in no particular order)
- dogs – lots, lots more dogs 🐶
- a few tropical island vacations – loosen up these muscles, reduce inflammation, get a nice tan goin’, some vitamin D/serotonin boost 🏖
- new iPhone – have had a cracked screen for 1.5 years now after falling down running in the rain, smashing it + being too lazy to ever get it fixed 📱
- pay off my younger sister’s student loans + parents’ mortgage
- definitely pay someone to invest some of it for me – i’d have no idea what i’m doing, but i know enough to know you gotta make ur $ work for ya 😉🤑
- move TF out (obviously) – into my own place – who knows where 😎
- get my platinum blonde hair back 😍, more tattoos 💯
Colby = absolute perfection in my opinion – the whole mf package. Okay, first things first – this man is GORGEOUS. The dirty blonde hair. The chiseled face w/ the perfect amount of scruff. (don’t even talk to me about his cleaned up finalé look – we’re gonna ignore that… forever). The cowboy hat. The muscles. His entire body is immaculately toned. The pearly white teeth. HOW ARE HIS TEETH SO PERFECT?! But this is not just looks-based, ok – I’m not that shallow!
Colby is the OG Challenge Beast, who completely dominated Season 2 – Australian Outback. And he was a #humbleAF Challenge Beast, at that! (which the show really needs more of at this point…) So ok, in Heroes vs. Villains, he gets dog walked by Coach to the mat + it was not his proudest moment maybe, but how did he handle it? Colby didn’t start some spiteful revenge scheme against Coach, he didn’t whine + cry like a baby – he reflected on it in an emotionally healthy manner, acknowledging that he is much older than when he first played + he moved TF on b/c the game (and life) goes on! He never gives up.
Colby is intelligent, charming, funny, kind, responsible, honest, respectful, consistent, sure of himself and family-oriented w/ strong values + a big heart. How many seasons have people talked about INTEGRITY + how many people have actually proven to live that way inside + outside of the game? IDK, but Colby is 1. Colby listens to his internal compass of what is right + what is wrong + 10/10 times chooses the path that’s right (even if it costs him $1 million – C’MON PPL). Colby is chill as hell (ex: when on a reward outing, continues to eat popcorn + watch the movie that’s on, while the 2 girls in the room w/ him are literally fighting each other + screaming about a clue in the game – #unbothered). He’s also extremely focused, to the point of not letting any temptations, whether they be Jerri or Sugar, interfere w/ his game. 😂
Find me another man who has/is all of the above.^ I’ll wait… 👀
No seriously, why are you still reading this???? Go + find one for me, for real – i’m single af during a pandemic. k thx!
“There’s nobody out here that is honorable anymore – except for me.”
“Slay everyone, trust no one.”
“There’s power in weakness.”
- RE: (plz see) How I Know I Can Play This Game for a longer, more serious explanation 😅
- i belong to the group of people on this earth who believe everything worthwhile in life should/does involve suffering + want to become part of a group of elite humans who have proven they can not only withstand but thrive in much less than ideal conditions AKA Survivor players. & being a minimalist, it’s of interest seeing what i can go/survive without.
- THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING – to prove a point (that everyone around me = big dumb idiots for not seeing/realizing how mentally + physically capable i am, duh… time to rip off the blinders, people!! 🙄😤) (and in the meantime, i’ll work on my tactfulness + grace…)
- i never smell bad. even after running 6 miles. believe me… i’ve repeatedly asked some of the most brutally honest people i’ve ever met/known (my siblings) + they’ve confirmed this as #facts – so if none of the 1 million other reasons i can come up w/ to cast me are strong enough, then maybe they’ll do it for the sake of the rest of the tribe’s players’ noses… 👃🏻
- Richard Hatch + Rudy Boesch
- Boston Rob + Amber Brkich
- Tony + Sarah – “Cops R Us”
- Sandra + Rupert
- Rupert + Rudy
- Wendall + Domenick
- Tai + Mark the Chicken
- Parvarti + Cirie – “Black Widow Brigade”
- Step 1 – Acquire flint + magnesium. (Thank you, Amazon!)
- Step 2 – I’ll let you know – that’s as far as I’ve gotten at this point 😂