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- Last year, I felt 2 different types of guilt. I felt weighed down with a lot of regret about not putting in necessary time + effort toward my passion for the game/its history + my ultimate goal of playing Survivor. I talked about it to very few people, but the ones I let in I believe could tell how important this was to me + I imagine were surprised by the way my actions didn’t align with what I was saying. The other source of guilt that was weighing on me was how, having moved out on my own, I felt I was neglecting one of my most cherished relationships (w/ my dad) by getting swept up in work + other social obligations. Again, my words weren’t aligning with my actions, b/c I would speak so highly of him, but then why am I here + not there spending time w/ him instead? Shouldn’t that be priority over whoever I’m saying all this to? Well, say what you want about 2020 – this year allowed me to actually get to know myself + I believe that now shines through in my actions. I moved back home due to the pandemic + prioritized the things I truly value in life. I read all the Survivor books I had ordered on Amazon that had started to collect dust, I researched a lot about the show online + I got a lot closer w/ my dad watching all 40 seasons together. ✨
- Survivor makes me “dig deep” (as Jeff Probst says) in life + all that i do (running/work/etc.) – it motivates me to constantly push myself more.
- Helps me to remind myself to be more open to new opportunities. I think about WWSD? (What Would someone on Survivor Do?/What Would the Survivor version of myself Do?)
- It made me want to be a good person. It sounds silly, because you think most people probably already want that or should want that… 😬 but IDK – it wasn’t really something I thought about. I guess it actually first started when I really liked someone I went out w/ a few years ago + it didn’t work out, because I’ve always thought he’s a better person than me. He’s good. In the feelings for this person, I first thought – I want to be good too. + Survivor really solidified that in me through the emotional turmoil of many players, constant final 3 tribal morality disputes, etc. – helped shape me as a person.
- Interacting w/ the Survivor community/other Superfans online during quarantine/the pandemic has been really refreshing, energizing, supportive, motivating, etc. to me in many ways. TY all for that. ❤️
- Helped me to be more vulnerable (this post included)/to feel more okay w/ sharing more personal things than before – especially if I’m talking about the show w/ someone bc it leads to a lot of deep questions/conversation topics/emotional discovery discussions.
- It helps me to always see things from multiple perspectives + think about a problem or situation from all angles. I strategize better (even just in daily life) b/c it changed how i approach everything/anything.
- It’s helped me to become more reflective – to take time to take a step back + assess (and began to meditate daily). (being sober for ~10 months now too has helped enormously) ☁️
- Finally, (for now – I’m sure I’ll be adding more…) Survivor has inspired me to write more these past few months than all of 2018-2019 combined + I’ve considered myself a writer/thought of that as a key part of my identity for some time now (~2011), but dropped off the past few years when it was no longer a part of my job.
- answering phone calls (actually don’t even do this already…)
- go out grocery shopping (actually also already quit months ago due to Covid)
- my own makeup (^see previous)
- my taxes (have done my own myself the past however many years, but math is not my strength + this would certainly complicate things a bit, I IMAGINE… *for now)
- my job (plz do not show this to my boss until I’m handed the check 😬)
- living at home – Zillow, here i come! 🤑🏡
& Things I WILL be doing after winning the million $:
(absolutely in no particular order)
- dogs – lots, lots more dogs 🐶
- a few tropical island vacations – loosen up these muscles, reduce inflammation, get a nice tan goin’, some vitamin D/serotonin boost 🏖
- new iPhone – have had a cracked screen for 1.5 years now after falling down running in the rain, smashing it + being too lazy to ever get it fixed 📱
- pay off my younger sister’s student loans + parents’ mortgage
- definitely pay someone to invest some of it for me – i’d have no idea what i’m doing, but i know enough to know you gotta make ur $ work for ya 😉🤑
- move TF out (obviously) – into my own place – who knows where 😎
- get my platinum blonde hair back 😍, more tattoos 💯
- RE: (plz see) How I Know I Can Play This Game for a longer, more serious explanation 😅
- i belong to the group of people on this earth who believe everything worthwhile in life should/does involve suffering + want to become part of a group of elite humans who have proven they can not only withstand but thrive in much less than ideal conditions AKA Survivor players. & being a minimalist, it’s of interest seeing what i can go/survive without.
- THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING – to prove a point (that everyone around me = big dumb idiots for not seeing/realizing how mentally + physically capable i am, duh… time to rip off the blinders, people!! 🙄😤) (and in the meantime, i’ll work on my tactfulness + grace…)
- i never smell bad. even after running 6 miles. believe me… i’ve repeatedly asked some of the most brutally honest people i’ve ever met/known (my siblings) + they’ve confirmed this as #facts – so if none of the 1 million other reasons i can come up w/ to cast me are strong enough, then maybe they’ll do it for the sake of the rest of the tribe’s players’ noses… 👃🏻
- Step 1 – Acquire flint + magnesium. (Thank you, Amazon!)
- Step 2 – I’ll let you know – that’s as far as I’ve gotten at this point 😂
I thought it would be fun to see what people would order to eat for their first meal at Ponderosa (imagining they were stranded on an island for ~30 days + just voted out of the game):
Daddy – bacon cheeseburger w/ fries, a supreme pizza w/ everything on it + a strawberry milkshake, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies + brownies w/ chocolate chips
Ben – good quality Chinese food like Dim sum/every form of dumpling available, particularly any har gow, tons of Singapore noodles, some jasmine tea + a very cold endless beer
Callum – a mountain of Carbonara + a bottle or two of Rioja
Carley – sushi or a hot soup + grilled cheese… almond bubble tea w/ tapioca pearls, some orange chicken w/ crab rangoon on the side, slice of cheese pizza, homemade peach dumplings w/ butter or sweet cheese pierogis, maybe a sesame seed bagel w/ veggie cream cheese
Ken – Either a deep dish pizza from Giordano’s w/ sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms, jalapeños and spinach OR a soul food + Jamaican dish: oxtail, sweet potatoes, baked macaroni and cheese, cabbage + cornbread
Me: PB + J!!! 🍞🤗